I've had enough of this crap.

Ok, for those who read my last blog, you should know I believe in God, Jesus Christ to be even more precise. I've been doing a bunch of reading online, just trying to do my best to prove His existence. And then I come across such things like, "Evolution has much more overwhelming evidence than Creationism", I mean personally I disagree, but then I read things and reading can be both good and bad, because I come across stuff that I don't like to read because I can be very open-minded and if it sounds legit, I'm gonna consider the facts. Usually I go to answersingenesis.org, because they typically know how to answer statements such as that. It really bothers me though. I feel like as much as Evolutionists say Creationists are blind scientists, we could really say the same thing about Evolutionists. But Evolutionists just automatically come to the conclusion that Creationists have no scientific support, which is completely not true.

Next thing I came across was the whole carbon dating process, Ok, this is crazy there are so many views on Carbon dating, and it bothers me to see that some scientists think its very much accurate and only off by a little bit, however, its comforting to see that some scientists believe its very flawed, and that the fact that its off at all shows it cannot be trusted. What to believe though? Yes, as a Christian, I believe it is flawed. However, I was talking with my dad, he believes in Evolution, and he said that the evidence for it is much higher than that of Creationism he said that its not far off from being a fact. The issue is he is really smart, and hes been looking into Evolutionism and Creationism for the last 35 years....so I can't really argue with him, especially when he says that he went through the same thing I did, and I don't want to be seperated from God when I'm his age if I read the same stuff he did. This scares me a lot. Like I truly believe in Jesus, however, I just don't know with this science crap. Science is so annoying sometimes. Especially when there are 2 views in it. And all the secular scientists, try to put it out there as though they are so certain that all their discoveries are facts, and that Creationists constantly use the same argument, and that we can only discredit them, but we can't completely prove our reasoning. From what I been reading, I think Creationism has more evidence than people realize. If anyone reads this blog, Christina, you included, show me some answers you have read. My own research isn't gonna be enough truthfully. And of course I'm gonna pray that Jesus shows me the answers to such secular views.

I'm really going insane here, pulling out my hair pretty much. I'm already believing based on Faith primarily, do I have to deal with all this extra? I'm gonna start saying, I believe because I have faith(Period). No more of this crap. Because clearly, it doesn't help obviously to show any evidence because someone of the atheist view will just show me something else to try to disclaim it and it goes back and forth. The other night I got into a debate with an atheist friend of mine and I was saying so much valid statements but I just was like talking to wall and he basically kept repeating himself like he just wasn't getting what I was saying to him. I was getting so furious. I get to the point where I'm just like "I give up" *sigh*..I know what I believe and I know I'm saved...and I tried....but....obviously no good.

PRAYERS PRAYERS PRAYERS please....

I'm back and feeling good.

Wow, its been a minute since I've written a blog on here. Well, I know my last blog wasn't so pleasant, and I'm sure I got a lot prayers from those Christian viewers out there. Prayers have been answered. I went down a road of darkness again. It was pretty scary actually.

But honestly, I've been thinking about it and I think it was all apart of God's plan for me. Before you say I'm crazy, let me explain. I'm not saying He wanted me to commit the sins that I did, however, I realized that after that struggle it actually strengthened me, it gave me a different view of the Christian perspective. I think I was too much of a judgemental Christian, and I think I was a bit of a hypocrite that Jesus did not like. I was reading my blogs and the way I sounded against other people and Christians was awful, and yes, no doubt, I clearly was a hardcore Christian, but I think a bit too hardcore. This fall that I went through, it actually showed me that being a Christian isn't about smacking people in the face for doing wrong, its about being there for those who fall, because every Christian does, and it also showed me that I am saved for sure. It gave me reassurance, because the fact that I didn't leave the faith altogether represents that God called me, and I will never leave.(Unconditional election).

Anyways, I'm on my way to righteousness again and I'm an adult now and I'm in college expanding my mind, and even though I might commit sins still, I'm working on myself. I'm repairing this walk by faith every single day that I grow. I love you Jesus.
Amen to that.

-Continual prayers is always appreciated

When will I come back to the light?

This is kinda depressing, but I'll go on with it, lately I have not been feeling so Christian, I mean don't get me wrong, I always know who my King and Savior is, Jesus Christ, and its not the fact that I deny him as God or any of that...I mean I love Jesus, like I've said before, Disciple in Christ right here....However, lately I've been committing a handful of sins, and restepping into some of my old habits, and I'm very disappointed in myself, I wake up sometimes feeling guilty, distressed, and most importantly, I wake up with the feeling that God is upset with me. I feel like I disobey him too often, and I only wish to be pure, but being 17, going on 18 soon enough, I just want to live like a teenager, and have fun with my friends. I wish there was someway to rid of these desires, but partying is one of my weak sins, it always has been. I need a serious prayer to whoever reads this blog. I'm worried that my faith will eventually slip altogether, if I can't keep myself in check. I still find it very interesting to read my theology, and study the word, for some reason that has not changed, its just my lifestyle that seems to be going back to the way it was prior....

Sometimes I look at the sky, and think to myself, Am I saved? Then I always get that same gut feeling, "Yes" - Which is most likely being delivered from my Amazing Jesus. Because Jesus knows I still believe in Him, I just don't....well, I don't act too Holy, and what bothers me the most is that I feel like a hypocrite at times when I try to teach others about the Gospel. There have been plenty of days where I've spent just consumed in God. Ask anyone. But since summer vacation started, and I'm out of school now, there is no more book time, only "chilling" time, and I need somekind of sign from God, that EVERYTHING will be fixed in due time, and I need to know that He still has me on the list to Heaven someday. I'm afraid of what He will say to me on Judgement day, I'm just glad He looks into my heart, and sees the struggle I'm having with all this, and since I am having this struggle, I'm assuming thats a good thing, because clearly He knows I suffer with all this.

Lastly, I know many Christians will tell me, Well you need to take a leap of Faith, and Change your lifestyle. Heres the big problem that I think is really driving me crazy, As much as I really want to change into a better person, I also enjoy some of the sins I do, and I'm freaking out that I'm still in some ways, a slave to sin. I'm not saying, I approve of them, I just find them apart of me at times, and it all slips out eventually. But Thanks be to God, that we don't earn our way into heaven by the deeds we do, but by the Grace he has provided us. And I just got to keep the faith, just like Timothy has said before. I pray and repent that all of this passes over soon. Keep praying everyone. Keep praying.

*sigh*

Prayers please. Enough said.

April showers, Bring May flowers?

(The picture to the right, to me, represents God is breaking through)

So this corny statement came into my head just now, and I know I haven't wrote a blog since early March, and there is plenty of reasons as to why not. The point of the title of this blog is because it is almost an analogy of the many struggles that I have been dealing with lately, and so I think of these "showers" as maybe the sufferings at the present moment, and then hopefully by next Month (May) the flowers will represent things renewing again, and just getting better for everyone, including myself.


But don't get me wrong, I do think the "Showers" are necessary, considering God allows them to happen for reason. So I look at these showers as Gods way of saying, I'm working on you. Lol - I know, you might be thinking, "Let me get this straight...Your struggling, and you think God is working on you?!" - As a matter of fact, Yes, I do, because I believe that the source of our pleasure is the cause of our suffering, and its as simple as that. I could elaborate on the Gods purpose for our sufferings but that pretty much sums it up.

Well these showers consist of, my good friend Christina, she is struggling with so much right now, financially, mentally, and even physically I believe. Everything is crashing down for her right now, and since her phone has been dead, its been hard for her because she has no peers she can socialize with, and her lack of church is upsetting her. Then there is my friend Lexi, she is just in constant spiritual attack, with everything, and we have been in constant argument, and its been causing me to stress out. Same goes for Amber, except we aren't arguing, however, we haven't been talking much, probably because of my school crap that pretty much occupies the week for me, and it drives me crazy. I don't like how school takes over my social life, my biblical life, and just...everything for real. I've also been laid off from my Job, and I honestly miss my best friends, Amber and Christina, and I'm becoming very irritable, and my lack of prayer sometimes bothers me, I mean I pray, just not as much as I feel like I should.

So what I'm hoping the flowers will consist of is Christina gets everything straightened out, and becomes satisfied with every aspect in her life. Lexi builds up her armor of light, and comes to some realization. Amber and I start socializing every night. So Pray that this all follows through, but I'm sure after my prayers, God is definitley in the process of allowing this to come through, because He will never let me down.

"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Nothing is too difficult for me" (Jeremiah 32:27).

Sick with the Flu.

So I've been really ill for the last week with the Flu, which is why I've came off to be unknown and non talkative to any of my friends, so I apologize. Let me start by explaining this whole "influenza" crap, Ok so on Sunday night, my throat was really scratchy and was hurting, and I thought that it was just a cold coming on, so I was just like whatever, then I started getting chills at around 8:30 that night, and I was not sure why, and I ended up falling asleep early.

Then on monday, my throat was even worse, it was killing me, and my whole body just felt weak, well I did go to school for my first 2 classes, then I just couldn't take it, and went to the healthroom, and went home early. Then on monday night, the Fever came. That was when things started to take a even more serious course, my throat was soar WITH a fever, and I was very weak, I also did not get any sleep that night.

Then rolls by Tuesday....This was by far the WORSE day I think, this was the "everything" day, I was consistently coughing, a High fever, runny nose, very dizzy and weak, a headache, sneezing, and my throat was still irritated..I felt like so much crap this day, and I don't know how much medicine I was on.

Then on Wednesday, I went to the doctor, while I was there, I had a 103.4 fever, so obviously something serious was in me, and the nurse gave me like 3 advil..As I started to break out in a sweat, I began feeling clammy and tired, and the doctor just told me to get some rest, take a lot of Tylenol and cough syrup lol, so thats what I did, my fever started going away temporarily on the Tylenol, and everytime I missed a dose, it rose again, so it still wasn't gone yet, although I did feel a little better later that evening, and with medicine, I was "ok" to get my makeup work on Thursday, so I did...and it was lame of course, because I was still moderatley sick, and very congested..but I dealt with it, and that night a small fever came on again, probably from pushing myself to go to school...Anyways today is Friday, and I still feel congested although the fever might have finally broke for good...which I hope.

*The Doctor said It would probably take until Sunday for the whole virus to be out of me*

P.S. YOU DON'T WANT THE FLU! lol

Don't doubt, no doubt.

I have not written a blog in a good while now, and I've just been so busy with school, friends, my Theology studies/readings, and so I've just been a bit overwhelmed by all of this. On top of this, I have been involved in so many different arguments, and having to provide answers for where I stand, when all I want to do is praise Jesus, and learn of His ways as best as I can.

However, I pray for Amber, my Dad, my Grandparents, and just anyone in a spiritual conflict, and doubts that God exists, because I am 100 percent sure He does. I don't understand some people apparently, I mean how can you be so ignorant and say, "I've never seen Him, why should I worship him?" I mean have you seen a million dollars?? I know I know, basic argument, but its true...You know it EXISTS! Otherwise you would just clearly sound foolish.

Not to mention, that I have just been in constant debate, and other "called" Christians have said that I obsess over God, which I believe to be impossible when you are reading scripture during your free time! These Christians also Believe in the Pro-Choice ways, and claims that when you lust you are only lusting, NOT committing adultery which is so against the word of Christ! I was just in blank awe when I had to even debate these matters, it should come with the Christian faith...Honestly...I don't mean to come off so judgmental, however, the word did say that we can judge fairly(Leviticus 19:15) and I mean I feel like I am. So I pray for them.

Well, anyways, I started taking Class 101 at Pasadena Assembly of God, and it is pretty legit, I love taking classes of the Lord, I don't even care what, just being involved is awesome. I've also been filling out papers to go on a Mission Trip this Summer, to help build homes for the homeless, and to worship like mad, and pray consistently, and just increase the faith, and I will be going with my friend, Lexi, so it should be cool. I look forward to such an adventure. lol I've heard Mission Trips are amazing. So pray that this trip coming up goes well.

Thanks for listening.
+ God Bless +