Depression for His Purpose

I wrote another poem, that expresses God using my depression all for the better. I use to look at my physical condition as a curse, as something that hindered me from being normal. It's an illness of course. However, since I've been medicated, and feeling better, I've realized that this depression has led me to God. It has shown me that I'm in need of a Savior, and that without Him, I am nothing. Without going through this struggle, I don't believe I would have ever realized that I need His love in my life. I truly believe God has used it to bring me to Him. So here it is, let me know what you think:

I'm destroyed, broken, in constant misery.
I'm hopeless, ashamed, sad and I want no sympathy.
I'm empty, lost, confused, and I don't know why.
I'm feeling guilty, cursed, lonely, and mentally I feel like I'm gonna die.

They say I have clinical depression.
They tell me they have medication to fix my mental recession.
They explain that I don't get enough serotonin to my brain.
They express that soon enough I'll have no more pain.

He tells me to have no fear.
He reassures me that theres no reason to shed a tear.
He says that He's made me this way for the better.
He explains that this mood has led me to His shelter.

Finally I realize that I need God most of all.
Finally I realize that without His love I would fall.
Finally I realize that Christ has died for me.
Finally I realize that He paid my fee.

There's not much more that I can say.
There is only the evidence that I'm going to be okay.
There was a divine intervention that He used for His purpose.
There is no reason to continue, but trust me I've only touched the surface.

God, Clinical Depression, Towson, People.

So, these four topics that I created for the subject of this blog are the 4 topics that I'm actually working on right now! And it feels great. Let me begin with God. My spirituality is coming back. The Lord is calling me again, and I love it. I've been listening to worship and praise music, and I'll be going to Church on Sunday, and I couldn't be more happier about that. I'll also be seeing my Christian friends in Tennessee which will only help me even more. This is great and an accomplishment I wanted for the New Year. And the Lord provided it for me. The Lord kept me in His hands as He promised.

The next topic is my Clinical Depression. I'm getting back on track with that as well. I've been on my medication now for over a week. I'm starting to feel better mentally. I'm more stable. I'm not losing it. Finally, things are becoming clearer to me. Of course, I'll be complete in another week, but nonetheless, I can feel its working! That is such a blessing. Thank You God for providing us with the mediciation to cure such an illness.

Now moving onto Towson, so far I'm managing myself there. I'm not fond of it, but I'm coping better there, and that could be connected to the depression not being as severe. However, I'm doing my work successfully, and I'm gonna do this! I'm gonna get good grades again, and I'm making it through this semester. Then I'll have the summer to recooperate. I'm just glad its not feeling as overwhelming as it did. Thats another weight off my shoulders. Amen.

Lastly, People. I've abandoned about 7 to 10 friends in the last month. It took sometime to cut off ties with them. And some were very difficult to do with, but I had to. There was no choice. I had outgrown them, I had realized some didn't even care about me, I've also came to the conclusion that some were negative for me as well. The only people I need in my life is the following: Christina Edwards, Amber Edwards, and your guys family. My immediate family, and my extended family. My friends Christopher Bullen, Mike Carter, Matt Bullen, and Dee Bullen (and her entire family), and I can't forget about, Holly McConnell, and Lexi Cavey. Those are true friends, and people in my life that will always have my back and care for my well-being. I love all of you, and I thank God that He provided you all in my life.