New Years Resolutions 2012

1) This is by far the most important for me, I need to get mentally stable again. I've been losing it lately, its time to calm down. This depression needs to cease.

2) Spiritual well being. This needs to improve for sure. My relationship with God is no good right now. I need it to be above and beyond. I need to get a reality check with that. This semester has distanced me. Not again.

3) Muscle growth. I want to gain another 10 pounds of muscle mass this coming year. I've been doing pretty well so far. However, I could improve on my workouts, and I will start doing so. I've been going to the gym for roughly 4 months straight now, and by the end of next year, I want to be in the maintenance stage.

4) School stress. I don't want Towson to kill me. It's been causing a lot of problems. I dread being here, and I need to utilize it better. (I don't know if this will be achieved, but I can try).

5) Elimination of "friends". Its times to end some of these poor relationships that I have. Those that cause issues, drama, conflicts, bring up past memories I'd rather not have reoccur. Those that seem not to care whether or not I'm alive. Those that don't understand me.

6) Become open to relationships. Lately, I've had an anti relationship type of mind. I have this mindset that they cause more problems than benefits. I'm gonna work on that.

Finals

This post isn't just about my finals for college coming up. Its about the finals for everything. Let me explain what I mean, so lately as you should know from previous posts, I've been dealing with depression. When I put everything into to perspective, right now everything seems to be crashing upon me. I have all these exams that I need to take, which in and of itself is stressing me out, my spiritual health is not so good which makes me more vulnerable emotionally, my clinical depression is off the chain, my friends have proven themselves to be not loyal, ignorant of reality, not caring, and most of all, not beneficial to me. (There are a few that I make the exception to this statement, and you should know who you are). On top of this, I'm dealing with family conflicts, the loss of my grandfather last year, and internal guilt and remorse. Everything is seriously heavy right now. Somethings gotta give, I can't handle all of it.

So what do I mean when I say its about finals for everything? For those that didn't put the pieces together, when finals with school come around, everything seems as though college is 10x worse. When finals in my life come around, its the same thing, everything ELSE is 10x worse. The holidays don't help anything, which is another issue to the list. I'm gonna get things straightened out this coming new year. In fact, the next post I make on here will be my new years resolutions for 2012. I'm probably gonna get back on my medication, I'm gonna quit a lot of things, I'm gonna end a lot of friendships, and I'm gonna create the illusion that school doesn't bother me, and that I will complete it successfully. I'm not going through all this drama and stress, to not walk out of here with my bachelors degree. You can forget that.