Finals

This post isn't just about my finals for college coming up. Its about the finals for everything. Let me explain what I mean, so lately as you should know from previous posts, I've been dealing with depression. When I put everything into to perspective, right now everything seems to be crashing upon me. I have all these exams that I need to take, which in and of itself is stressing me out, my spiritual health is not so good which makes me more vulnerable emotionally, my clinical depression is off the chain, my friends have proven themselves to be not loyal, ignorant of reality, not caring, and most of all, not beneficial to me. (There are a few that I make the exception to this statement, and you should know who you are). On top of this, I'm dealing with family conflicts, the loss of my grandfather last year, and internal guilt and remorse. Everything is seriously heavy right now. Somethings gotta give, I can't handle all of it.

So what do I mean when I say its about finals for everything? For those that didn't put the pieces together, when finals with school come around, everything seems as though college is 10x worse. When finals in my life come around, its the same thing, everything ELSE is 10x worse. The holidays don't help anything, which is another issue to the list. I'm gonna get things straightened out this coming new year. In fact, the next post I make on here will be my new years resolutions for 2012. I'm probably gonna get back on my medication, I'm gonna quit a lot of things, I'm gonna end a lot of friendships, and I'm gonna create the illusion that school doesn't bother me, and that I will complete it successfully. I'm not going through all this drama and stress, to not walk out of here with my bachelors degree. You can forget that.