This girl...

The name of this girl that has been on my mind this past year will be unknown for purposes of privacy. I just have this urge to express this "love" that I think I have for her in particular. She made me smile when I was down. She made me happy when I felt sad. She made me laugh when I was in a state of apathy. She made me feel close to her even when we only knew each other for a week. She made me, for the first time, ever feel like I wanted a relationship. At that point in my life when I met her, I was overcoming depression, I was overcoming drugs and alcohol, and most importantly, I had become a Christian. The experience of Christianity, brought a new life in me, however, the old life had not yet vanished completely as I had thought it did (this was shown a year after my conversion to Christ when I slipped severely). Anyways, I was in a state of confusion, and uncertainty with what exactly I wanted in life. This led me to never ask this girl out, and for that, I have regret. It gets deeper. If I were to have led a life as a Christian as I should have, I would be with her. I know its crazy to predict such a thing, but looking back, its absolutely true, and the consequence of living secularly (as I put it) results. Unfortunately, it gets worse, I can't communicate with this girl any more, I can't get a hold of her, she has no facebook (yes, surprisingly), she has no myspace, she has no cell number as far as I'm aware of. It's terrible.

I'm going to briefly get into why I say if I had remained a Christian why I would know her still. Back when I lost the faith, I was partying again with some new peers I met through an older friend. During this time, we were still communicating via cell phone whether it was talking or texting. I never chose to see her because I would rather get drunk or high then to go down and visit with her where she lives. So eventually as time went by, we lost each other. After I came back to my senses as a Christian again, she popped in my mind again although this time it was too late, I can't reach her. What's worse now is those "friends" I thought I had turned out to not even be true. They are as fake as they come. Nothing but greedy, rude, and disrespectful towards you. So now I am at a complete loss with nothing but her on my mind. For those that pray, please pray that she is part of fate in my life and that we will get together at some point in history. Thanks for reading.